Know that feeling?
Sometimes it happens before events in life. Should I have another child? Should I take that job? Should I buy a house that needs a lot of work? Should I start an ESL ministry? Should I expand that ESL ministry?
It comes at the point where you still have time to turn back. Whatever the decision is you know it is going to require a lot of work. Probably more work then you can handle. But you know what, I'm learning that is probably a good thing. Because in my weakness and tiredness, God pulls through. When He calls you do something He provides what you need when you need it. You might not feel prepared right now, but when that moment comes, He'll be there.
And today I'm about to step on that roller coaster again, front seat, where I can see everything that is going on. Where I lose control, but where I give over control to a God who controls everything.
Tonight I present stage 2 of our ESL ministry - partnering with other churches in our area to expand our reach. And if it is approved, it means work, lots of it. Writing new policies, recruiting more staff, paperwork, meetings, and presentations. It means scheduling my time so that every moment counts, no twiddling my thumbs while I flitter away time on Facebook or putting aside a book I want to read so I can work on emails. It means not spending evening doing things I want to do with my family because I am at meetings or ESL. Self control. It means opening my house up inviting people over (something I am not good at doing).
But it also means giving God a chance to work through my messes. I know I can't handle this, which just means all the more glory to His name when anything good happens in our ESL ministry. It is a scary place to be. Knowing you can't handle something, but taking it on anyhow.
So. Tonight at 6:30 the roller coaster car arrives. I take a deep breath. Put one foot in front of the other. Buckle my seatbelt. And that is all I can do. I hold on for the ride.
To God be the glory. Great things He has done and is doing. Pray for wisdom as we hopefully get approval to move forward to stage two.